HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN




MAN HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her, cuddle her,

kiss her, caress her,

love her, stroke her,

tease her, comfort her,

protect her, hug her,

hold her, spend money on her,

wine and dine her, buy things for her,

listen to her, care for her,

stand by her, support her,

go to the ends of the earth for her...

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked.

Bring beer.


From: "Romero, Rebecca"



QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS



Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.

... wedding cake!

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In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested.

Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 5 drinks.

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Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."

She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?

Two mothers-in-law.

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After the fall of the Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?"

Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."

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The wife found her husband sitting on the back porch crying. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Do you remember when we were dating and your father told me that if I didn't marry you, he would send me to prison for 20 years?" he said.

"Yes" she responded, "so what?" "I would have gotten out of prison today!" he sobbed.


From: PanamaJac



HAPPY WOMAN'S DAY



When the good Lord was creating woman, he was in the sixth day of overtime, when the Angel said, "You're doing a whole lot of fiddling around with this one." And the Lord said, "Have you read the specs on this one? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts, all replaceable.

Able to run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointing love affair! And six pairs of hands." The Angel shook his head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands? No way."

"It's not the hands that is causing me concern," said the Lord. "It's the three pair of eyes that women have to have. One pair of eyes that sees through closed doors when she asks what are the kids doing in there?

Another in the back of her head that she sees what she probably shouldn't, but what she has to know. Of course, the ones here in front - that she can look at a child when he messes up and say,

"I understand and I love you anyway," without so much as uttering a word." "Lord" said the angel, touching him gently, "Rest for now. Finish her tomorrow!"

"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself that I can't stop now." "Already, I have one who heals herself when she is sick, can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger, get a nine year old to stand = still

under a shower, get all the children ready for school or church, have dinner ready and on the stove and yet have a clean house." The angel said, "I don't understand this model. She's soft and tough at the same time. And the Lord said, "you can't imagine what a woman can do or endure.

Not only can she think, but she can reason and compromise." Finally the angel bent over and ran his fingers across the cheek, "There's a leak," he pronounced. "I told you, God, that you were trying to put too much into this model." "It's not a leak" said the Lord, "It's a tear.

It's been placed there for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride. This creation is a special model! And she is a Woman." Wishing all the women a happy, productive and blessed International Womens Day Positive Vibes

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